My partner would never commit to a family before I was ill, and now I can’t have children, I resent him
My partner and I have been together for six years. I had ovarian cancer at 31, resulting in a full hysterectomy; I’m now 34. Before I was ill, we talked about starting a family but he would never commit. Since my surgery, we haven’t really had sexual intimacy. I resented him for a time and sometimes now don’t feel like a woman at all. Should I just give up and move on?
When people are challenged by ill-health, the most difficult obstacle to sexual health is often the ability to allow pleasure back into their lives. You have faced so much pain and trauma that you now associate sex with negative aspects of your sexual physiology and the sadness of so far being denied a family. What is your true priority? Is it to be able to enjoy sex again with your partner? This can be achieved if you can persuade him – and yourself – to focus on a return to relaxed lovemaking and goal-less pleasure. Find proper time for intimacy, turn off your phones, set aside past problems and fully immerse yourselves in the physical sensations. The loss of your childbearing ability is something you will continue to mourn for a while, and for which you might benefit from some additional support might be beneficial. However, if having a family is of paramount importance to you, you will have to make a difficult choice. This is a vital conversation that should only be started once you know for sure whether it’s a deal-breaker.
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