My friend stole her boyfriend from my sister – should I snub their wedding?

Before they got engaged, he had a secret relationship with my sister. Should I suck it up or stay loyal to my family? Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader

Declining a wedding invitation is a big statement in my group of friends. It has caused a breakdown in relationships. Now, one of my friends is getting married to a guy who used to go out with my sister. My sister and this guy kept their relationship quiet, since they met at work. My friend was a friend and colleague of both of them and, because of the nature of their occupation, chose to keep their relationship secret when they got together – until their contracts ended and we all learned they were dating. Five months later, they were engaged.

The scandal in all this, and my dilemma, comes from the fact that I have recently learned that this guy cheated on my sister with my friend and that my friend knew he was cheating. It’s not the first time my friend has dated someone who already had a girlfriend, but I can’t work out if I should support their commitment when they caused my sister pain. That’s without taking into account the fact that I don’t want my friend to marry a guy of such character, in spite of her previous errors of judgment.

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Alex Vidal