My boyfriend cheated on me using Skype sex. Does it matter?

A woman in her 20s has discovered that her beloved partner has been having online sex with porn stars. Mariella Frostrup says she is right to worry

The dilemma My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, we rarely fight and have planned our future lives together. Recently I found out he has been having Skype sex with other women (I think only porn stars). Am I right to be upset about this? I confronted him and he said he considers it as porn, but I don’t, as it is an interaction with another woman who also sees him. I also pointed out the double standards, as he wouldn’t be happy with this behaviour from me, which he accepted. He has apologised, promised to stop and I have forgiven him. But I am scared that he won’t stop. We are in our 20s and I’m worried this pattern of behaviour will end up with him cheating on me in the future.

Mariella replies Too right. The bad news is he’s already cheating on you. Sex with someone else, even in a virtual scenario, is sex with someone else. If your boyfriend wants to engage in a second life online he can’t really expect it to run concurrent with the one in which you two are dating. He may like to cast himself as an avatar, out there on a great big solo cyber adventure, but it’s his real brain and his real body that are engaged in these acts of infidelity.

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Alex Vidal