Men and Relationship Withdrawal

Why is it that men always seem to pull away emotionally? It’s a pattern most people have noticed, especially in relationships that just didn’t work out. You start getting warm and he immediately goes cold. You may have noticed at a certain point in the relationship, it’s as if all of a sudden he stops pursuing you and fallen off the face of the Earth. When that happens, it may even be YOU doing the chasing, just to get answers. You finally catch him and tell him how hurt you are. Things go sour and you may even feel further apart than you had at first. It’s a very frustrating a difficult experience for a woman to go through.

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Well, why does this happen? In John Gray’s famous book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, he theorizes that men will often times go into “his cave” or his “hiding spot”. This theory is a reference to man’s natural withdrawal response. Back in the caveman days, men had to be prepared at all times, especially while hunting or in other dangerous situations. So the fight-or-flight response kicks in and a man will sometimes cut off his emotions. So, according to Gray, you better get used to it, because it’s as natural as green on grass.

When men are faced with problems, or need to figure something out, they may feel the need to “hide,” as men are solution/goal oriented. So, and although it’s difficult, don’t take it personally as it may not be about you at all. After an intense period of romance, you may feel a certain closeness you are convinced will last forever. Then what happens? He’s gone again, to work on whatever projects he feels he needs to complete.

It may frustrate you to no end, but please, you must respect a man’s need for time alone. Don’t let this be a pone of contention in your relationship, especially if it’s just starting out. You risk losing him if you do. Keep an open mind and make it a positive experience to let him deal alone. Most of the time it’s a good thing. Men have an inherent need to provide for loved ones – he may be trying to make the relationship stronger. Because of man’s need to focus and find solutions, it is almost certain that at some point in the relationship he may need some time and space to figure things out. You may have started thinking about a future together, something he slowly realizes and hadn’t considered up until now, so the natural withdrawal response kicks in until he can manage his feelings and do what he needs to move the relationship to the next level.

With that in mind, stay calm, and try not to chase after him. Being chased, he may feel like you are desperate to throw him into something he may or may not be ready for. He’ll feel cornered, and no matter the gender, in that situation one will always look for a way out. Give him some space to miss you and figure the relationship out. When you understand the how’s and why’s of it, you’ll be prepared to keep a cool head and let him go off. You’ll find that in nearly every case it works out for the better.

Hopefully this helps clearing the air and explaining the certain tendencies of men. It may not be true in all cases, but even if it isn’t, it’s important to be understanding and nurturing.

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