International kissing day: our perfect guide to the perfect kiss

Reflecting on kisses past and looking to kisses future, Mona Chalabi eases your fears and answers your questions in the quest for the ideal lip-lock

Today is international kissing day. Why, you may ask, do we need such a day? Well, were it not for this day, lovers would forget to embrace, lips would dry, lip balm marketers would lose their jobs and the passage of time itself would become near impossible to track.

The day also gives us an opportunity to reflect on kisses past (I’m thinking of a smooth-skinned young man who seized upon my momentary distraction in order to slide a hand into my pocket, find my first and highly prized mobile phone and steal it) and kisses future (Anthony Joshua, fingers crossed).

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Alex Vidal