I’m looking for a partner who is exciting and my equal – without success. Am I the problem?

I’m 55, self-contained and confident – but everyone I meet seems too needy or too dull. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader

I’m 55 and have been divorced after a marriage of 20 years, followed by a six-year serious relationship. I have been single and dating, on and off, for four years.

My marriage was very lonely and sad, although he was a good, decent man. My next relationship was with a woman who turned my life upside-down. It was the most passionate relationship I’ve ever experienced. With hindsight, I can see that it was abusive and damaging, but in the midst of it I was giddy with love.

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Alex Vidal