A moment that changed me: listening to, rather than trying to fix, my suicidal wife | Mark Lukach

Giulia’s mental health had deteriorated quickly, and I was terrified each time she spoke to me about killing herself. But then one day I was too tired to respond

• Mark Lukach is a teacher and freelance writer

One afternoon my wife, Giulia, asked me: “Mark, if I kill myself, will you promise me that you will find a new wife so that you can still be happy?” I sighed and leaned back into the chair next to her, unsure of what to say.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I had been saying it for eight months. It’s just that at that moment, I was so tired – tired from work, tired from worry, tired from so many conversations about suicide – that I didn’t have the energy for it again. So I sat in silence.

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